An ode to a new reality.
As the car lights strike the drive the house lies in darkness once again. The welcoming glow of years gone by remains extinguished. The Georgian bricks and mortar shout out a heart stopping message of emptiness.
The place of love and warmth her creative soul breathed and crafted into it now mourns her absence. As the keys turn in the door the joy of returning home is disturbed by the reality of a place that now lies bereft without her.
As my feverish fingers search for the switches to flood the darkness with light, the unavoidable silence is oppressive. As the music sings out to block out this new uncomfortable reality, it offers nothing but the briefest of respite.
The kitchen, the room she loved, the room she poured out her time and compassion into others lives screams out she’s gone. The food cupboard bursting with her cake ingredients now sit poignantly untouched and unmoved, the stylish food mixer gathers dust instead of flour. Everything around you rips at your heart with this one single unpalatable truth – she’s gone.
As I pace the house like a lost soul, my heart cries out for her return, yet my mind shouts she’s not here. The daily nightmare roars on like an unstoppable avalanche. Unthinkable, unmanageable, unfair.
Yet amidst the pain, the anger, the questions and the never a baiting agony of loss, the clouds of grief occasionally clear and the God of the universe, the God who became man and sat and wept with the lost, whispers you’re going to be ok. The everlasting echoes of his hope interrupt and loosen the binding chords of loss.
It still feels Friday, but Sunday is coming.